Health

How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship causes you stress and creates an unhealthy environment around you. It’s because the toxic person will not make you feel wanted and continuously humiliate you for small things. We saw a lot of red flags but we ignored them and tried to make toxic relations into healthy relationships. Because he/she is manipulative and controlling. To a toxic person, relationships are not meant to be long-lasting. For him/her, it will end one day. 

Many of us enter the dating world not even knowing that a lot of our beliefs about relationships are toxic, to begin with. So, let’s first get clear about what a toxic relationship is: 

A toxic relationship occurs when one or both people prioritize love over the three core components of a healthy relationship: respect, trust, and affection.

Sometimes we ignore most toxic things as normal because we have no idea. Most girls don’t know the actual term or sign of a toxic boyfriend. 

Don’t worry I am here to discuss about toxic boyfriend.

Always a toxic boyfriend who wants to control you. He tries to monitor your all activity and gives you orders. Toxic boyfriend wants you to spend your life according to their order. For example, if you go outside then firstly ask your boyfriend. If you forget to ask your boyfriend then fight.

If you are dating a toxic partner then it is just like putting yourself under a microscope.

Firstly, you need to accept and understand that your relationship is toxic. You need to take some time off and sit with yourself.

Ask a question from yourself if you deserve this kind of toxic partner. Do you have your’s no value? Why do you destroy your mental health for a toxic boyfriend? You have not your life? 

After finding your answer then you need to decide whether it is from this kind of toxic relationship or not.

Most of the girls want to control their partner after they fall in love. Toxic girls want their partner to always be available for them for example long calls, continuous test messages, etc. Toxic girls feel too many intestines. Due to insecurities, they ask too many questions. Like where are you busy? She wants to know every activity.

Most of the girls always criticize you that you don’t love me you are changing day by day blah blah. It’s too much toxic.

1- You don’t feel safe

 In a toxic relationship both partners feel safe because they have no confidence to share their opinions both of them think that if they share their opinion and the other one disagrees the argumentation starts and ends with lots of fights. 

So, it is very difficult 

 Safety has levels, depending on the relationship. 

2- You have bad/unhealthy communication

Good communication is the heartbeat of every relationship. If you both can not easily communicate with each other about your needs, and desires and cannot openly talk about your expectations so, this will be a disaster in your case. 

Being honest with each other doesn’t mean everything will magically be okay. Things are probably going to be uncontrollable, also uncomfortable, and sometimes even hurt you. That’s normal.  

3- You feel undervalued

If your partner always feels you are undervalued. It means you have no value in front of your partner. It’s not a good sign of a healthy relation. It is called a toxic relationship. Undervalued, ignored, and neglected destroy your mental health and also destroy your confidence.

4- You feel yourself depressed

When you do feel uncomfortable in your relationship and it fails to fulfill your proper desires then it will lead you to feelings of depression. Depression is very dangerous for our health. Love is blind be this love is for friends or partner or husband. If your relationship is not in peace there are many kinds of hurdles or problems in the relationship. This problem directly affects your mind.

I suggest you if a relationship destroys your peace and you are going into depression please value your peace, not your relationship. Leave that person who spoils or kills your peace. Always prefer your mind health and peace.

5- You feel regretful

Does this person make you feel regretful? Do you feel less than and stupid? All these are signs of vibrant immaturity and clearly say that it’s a toxic relationship. Emotionally innocent people need themselves up on their wrongs and losses. When they can’t find something wrong, they just create it from your history. 

6- Judge you from your past

Judgment is one of the tell-tale signs of a toxic relationship. We all have weird stuff about us that makes our lives both fun and challenging. And beyond being weird, we all mess up. Being challenged and held accountable are the most important part of any worthwhile relationship. But a toxic person will approach you with condemnation. They will use your past mistakes as a weapon to hurt you or kill you mentally and physically. 

7-  You don’t feel sympathy

Kindness is like a pair of glasses you wear to see the world through someone else’s eyes. A toxic person is hyper-focused on what they need and want. When you open up and share your heart with a toxic person, you will get coldness instead of sympathy. 

8- You feel controlled or manipulated

A toxic person might check on you all the time or constantly bug you about where you are going, or what you are doing. They might leave you when you upset them and come back when you did something right. 

9-  Intense jealousy affects your actions

There’s a difference between missing someone and lashing out with jealousy when they live their own life. If the other person shows jealous reactions to your normal activities or you feel unnecessarily jealous when they do things without you, that could be a sign of a toxic relationship.

10-  You are not allowed to go anywhere

A sign of a toxic relationship is when one person restricts resources. You don’t have access to bank accounts, and your partner may be tracking your calls and phone records. A relationship with healthy boundaries means you honor your partner’s wishes. But if you are cut off from supportive and loving family or friends, that should also be a sign of a toxic relationship. 

1- Recognize that behaviour is a language

Behaviour is a language. If you’re in a relationship with someone who repeatedly hurts or diminishes you, they’re saying all you need to know, even if they aren’t using words. Read that again.

2- Talk to a trusted friend or counsellor

 You can’t move from toxic relationships to healthy ones overnight. It takes you a lot of time and practice. Open up with a trusted, kind, and wise friend of yours who can help you get some perspective in life. You might even need to see a professional therapist. Yes, you are right. It’s uncomfortable, expensive, and a lot of hard work. Do it anyway. You can’t afford not to do so. 

3- Learn new relational tools

Relational skills are just like anything else in life can be learned. You might need to learn skills like being confident, setting boundaries, self-forgiveness, confrontation, or vulnerability. There are tons of books podcasts and other free resources from where you can learn.

4- Leave if you need to

 If your relationship is toxic through and through, it might be time to end it especially if you’re not married yet. Getting married or having another baby won’t solve your problems. It will probably make them worse. If you’re just hanging around waiting, hoping they’ll change someday, it’s time to kill the fantasy and move on. But if you’re married, don’t pull the plug on the relationship just because things get hard. Exhaust all your options before making a decision as final as divorce. 

5- Learn how to create a healthy relationship

Relationships are messy but you need them for a healthy, whole life. A good relationship is the most life-giving force on the planet. We need each other. Don’t give up on people or yourself.

You need to set boundaries in your relationship by giving each other space and freedom. As a couple, people always think that everything should be done together. Like seriously? In your early married life that should be a most important part of every couple’s life. But after some years, there must be a healthy space, freedom, and time that a couple should give each other. For example, trust each other that if someone is stuck somewhere or maybe late on special evenings you must not get angry or have to ask him/her why he/she is late. But ask anyway, Is everything okay? 

With the support of a mental health professional, you’ll have the space to better understand where your toxic behaviors come from. When we understand our behaviors, we’re more equipped to identify them when they happen and make changes. 

Apologizing doesn’t come easily to everyone. Consider what kind of words are the best for you and your relationships. Writing a letter, for example, is a good way to make sure you stay on track and don’t get defensive. Practice the apology with your therapist if you think that might help you.

Leave a Comment